So here is my new slogan on life...
(I am going to put this on a T-Shirt)

Awww, don't be a quitter,
Be a Loser.

I know that I have not updated this in a long time,
there will be more to come shortly...

How's the whether in Hell?

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington engineering mid-term. The answer was so "profound" that the Professor shared it with colleagues, and the sharing obviously hasn't ceased...

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or Endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote Proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law, (gas cools off when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

"First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let us look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa Banyan during my Freshman year, "...that it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you.", and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then, #2 cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze."

This student received the only A.

My Goals, so far...

I REALLY want to do this....
http://home.online.no/~arnedani/astronomy/astrophoto/eclipse/20030531/93-04to93-33and93-35.htm

The next chance is February 07, 2008 (hint)
http://sunearth.gsfc.nasa.gov/eclipse/OH/OH2008.html

Annular Solar Eclipse... it is in Antartica, with Umbral Eclipse in parts of Austrailia, and New Zealand
http://sunearth.gsfc.nasa.gov/eclipse/SEanimate/SE2001/SE2008Feb07A.GIF
AS WELL AS...
Total Solar Eclipse, August 01 2008... this one is in the Artic. Parts of northern Canada and Greenland will see some Umbral Eclpse http://sunearth.gsfc.nasa.gov/eclipse/SEanimate/SE2001/SE2008Aug01T.GIF
Reference Info: http://www.mreclipse.com/Special/SEprimer.html
and http://sunearth.gsfc.nasa.gov/eclipse/OH/OH2007.html

I never have seen one, Annular or Total, and I also REALLY want to visit the poles. Because I think a person should. It's funny how this is all lining up. I am in complete awe. And I don't think I have ever really had goals in my life before. I mean, I'm sure I did, just nothing that ever excited me. I am begining to realize that I need at least a few. Lots of free time sure allows someone to think.

Things People Said...

Courtroom Quotations

The following quotations are taken from official court records across the nation, showing how funny and embarrassing it is that recorders operate at all times in courts of law, so that even the slightest inadvertence is preserved for posterity.

• Lawyer: "Was that the same nose you broke as a child?"
• Witness: "I only have one, you know."

• Lawyer: "Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?"
• Witness: "By death."
• Lawyer: "And by whose death was it terminated?"

• Accused, Defending His Own Case: "Did you get a good look at my face when I took your purse?"
The defendant was found guilty and sentenced to ten years in jail.

• Lawyer: "What is your date of birth?"
• Witness: "July 15th."
• Lawyer: "What year?"
• Witness: "Every year."

• Lawyer: "Can you tell us what was stolen from your house?"
• Witness: "There was a rifle that belonged to my father that was stolen from the hall closet."
• Lawyer: "Can you identify the rifle?"
• Witness: "Yes. There was something written on the side of it."
• Lawyer: "And what did the writing say?"
• Witness: "'Winchester'!"

• Lawyer: "What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?"
• Witness: "Gucci sweats and Reeboks."

• Lawyer: "Can you describe what the person who attacked you looked like?"
• Witness: "No. He was wearing a mask."
• Lawyer: "What was he wearing under the mask?"
• Witness: "Er...his face."

• Lawyer: "This myasthenia gravis -- does it affect your memory at all?"
• Witness: "Yes."
• Lawyer: "And in what ways does it affect your memory?"
• Witness: "I forget."
• Lawyer: "You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?"

• Lawyer: "How old is your son, the one living with you?"
• Witness: "Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which."
• Lawyer: "How long has he lived with you?"
• Witness: "Forty-five years."

• Lawyer: "What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?"
• Witness: "He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'"
• Lawyer: "And why did that upset you?"
• Witness: "My name is Susan."

• Lawyer: "Sir, what is your IQ?"
• Witness: "Well, I can see pretty well, I think."

• Lawyer: "Did you blow your horn or anything?"
• Witness: "After the accident?"
• Lawyer: "Before the accident."
• Witness: "Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it."

• Lawyer: "Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?"
• Witness: "Yes."
• Lawyer: "Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?"
• Witness: "Yes, sir."
• Lawyer: "What did she say?"
• Witness: "'What disco am I at?'"

• Lawyer: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
• Witness: "No."
• Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
• Witness: "No."
• Lawyer: "Did you check for breathing?"
• Witness: "No."
• Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
• Witness: "No."
• Lawyer: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
• Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
• Lawyer: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
• Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."

• Lawyer: "How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?"

• Lawyer: "And you check your radar unit frequently?"
• Officer: "Yes, I do."
• Lawyer: "And was your radar unit functioning correctly at the time you had the plaintiff on radar?"
• Officer: "Yes, it was malfunctioning correctly."

• Lawyer: "What happened then?"
• Witness: "He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because you can identify me.'"
• Lawyer: "Did he kill you?"
• Witness: "No."

• Lawyer: "Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man--"
• Witness: "Thank you. If I weren't under oath, I'd return the compliment."

• Lawyer: "You were there until the time you left, is that true?"

• Lawyer: "So you were gone until you returned?"

• Lawyer: "The youngest son, the 20 year old, how old is he?"

• Lawyer: "Were you alone or by yourself?"

• Lawyer: "How long have you been a French Canadian?"

• Witness: "He was about medium height and had a beard."
• Lawyer: "Was this a male or a female?"

• Lawyer: "Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?"
• Witness: "I went to Europe, sir."
• Lawyer: "And you took your new wife?"

• Lawyer: "I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture."
• Witness: "That's me."
• Lawyer: "Were you present when that picture was taken?"

• Lawyer: "Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?"

• Lawyer: "Do you know how far pregnant you are now?"
• Witness: "I'll be three months on November 8."
• Lawyer: "Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8?"
• Witness: "Yes."
• Lawyer: "What were you doing at that time?"

• Lawyer: "How many times have you committed suicide?"
• Witness: "Four times."

• Lawyer: "Do you have any children or anything of that kind?"

• Lawyer: "She had three children, right?"
• Witness: "Yes."
• Lawyer: "How many were boys?"
• Witness: "None."
• Lawyer: "Were there girls?"

• Lawyer: "You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it?"

• Lawyer: "You say that the stairs went down to the basement?"
• Witness: "Yes."
• Lawyer: "And these stairs, did they go up also?"

• Lawyer: "Have you lived in this town all your life?"
• Witness: "Not yet."

• Lawyer: (realizing he was on the verge of asking a stupid question) "Your Honor, I'd like to strike the next question."

• Lawyer: "Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Eddington at the Rose Chapel?"
• Witness: "It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8:30pm."
• Lawyer: "And Mr. Eddington was dead at the time, is that correct?"

• Lawyer: "What is your brother-in-law's name?"
• Witness: "Borofkin."
• Lawyer: "What's his first name?"
• Witness: "I can't remember."
• Lawyer: "He's been your brother-in-law for years, and you can't remember his first name?"
• Witness: "No. I tell you, I'm too excited." (rising and pointing to his brother-in-law) "Nathan, for heaven's sake, tell them your first name!"

• Lawyer: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York?"
• Witness: "I refuse to answer that question.
• Lawyer: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago?"
• Witness: "I refuse to answer that question.
• Lawyer: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?"
• Witness: "No."

• Lawyer: "Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?"
• Witness: "No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region."

• Lawyer: "What is your marital status?"
• Witness: "Fair."

• Lawyer: "Are you married?"
• Witness: "No, I'm divorced."
• Lawyer: "And what did your husband do before you divorced him?"
• Witness: "A lot of things I didn't know about."

• Lawyer: "And who is this person you are speaking of?"
• Witness: "My ex-widow said it.

• Lawyer: "How did you happen to go to Dr. Cherney?"
• Witness: "Well, a gal down the road had had several of her children by Dr. Cherney and said he was really good."

• Lawyer: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?"
• Witness: "All my autopsies have been performed on dead people."

• Lawyer: "Were you acquainted with the deceased?"
• Witness: "Yes sir."
• Lawyer: "Before or after he died?"

• Lawyer: "Mrs. Jones, is your appearance this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?"
• Witness: "No. This is how I dress when I go to work."

• The Court: "Now, as we begin, I must ask you to banish all present information and prejudice from your minds, if you have any."

• Lawyer: "Did he pick the dog up by the ears?"
• Witness: "No."
• Lawyer: "What was he doing with the dog's ears?"
• Witness: "Picking them up in the air."
• Lawyer: "Where was the dog at this time?"
• Witness: "Attached to the ears."

• Lawyer: "When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?"
• Other Lawyer: "Objection. That question should be taken out and shot."

• Lawyer: "And lastly, Gary, all your responses must be oral. Ok? What school do you go to?"
• Witness: "Oral."
• Lawyer: "How old are you?"
• Witness: "Oral."

• Lawyer: "What is your relationship with the plaintiff?"
• Witness: "She is my daughter."
• Lawyer: "Was she your daughter on February 13, 1979?"

• Lawyer: "Now, you have investigated other murders, have you not, where there was a victim?"

• Lawyer: "Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until the next morning?"

• Lawyer: "And what did he do then?"
• Witness: "He came home, and next morning he was dead."
• Lawyer: "So when he woke up the next morning he was dead?"

• Lawyer: "Did you tell your lawyer that your husband had offered you indignities?"
• Witness: "He didn't offer me nothing. He just said I could have the furniture."

• Lawyer: "So, after the anesthesia, when you came out of it, what did you observe with respect to your scalp?"
• Witness: "I didn't see my scalp the whole time I was in the hospital."
• Lawyer: "It was covered?"
• Witness: "Yes, bandaged."
• Lawyer: "Then, later on...what did you see?"
• Witness: "I had a skin graft. My whole buttocks and leg were removed and put on top of my head."

• Lawyer: "Could you see him from where you were standing?"
• Witness: "I could see his head."
• Lawyer: "And where was his head?"
• Witness: "Just above his shoulders."

• Lawyer: "Do you drink when you're on duty?"
• Witness: "I don't drink when I'm on duty, unless I come on duty drunk."

• Lawyer: "Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?"
• Witness: "The victim lived."

• Lawyer: "The truth of the matter is that you were not an unbiased, objective witness, isn't it? You too were shot in the fracas."
• Witness: "No, sir. I was shot midway between the fracas and the naval."

• Lawyer: "Officer, what led you to believe the defendant was under the influence?"
• Witness: "Because he was argumentary, and he couldn't pronunciate his words."

Express Yourself...

Some Commonly Mixed-up Expressions:

* "Water under the dam." -- A television news reporter, referring to the Clinton/Gore campaign fundraising issue.

* "Water over the bridge."

* "We'll burn that bridge when we get to it."

* "Your heart is the lifeblood of your body." -- From a radio commercial.

* "Let's nip this in the butt."

* "Let's nibble this in the butt."

* "Don't eat with your mouth full!"

* "I'm not going to let this guy shine on my parade."

* "He's disgusting. He smokes like a fish!"

* "We're killing two birds for the price of one."

* "If it had legs it would have bit you."

* "You'll know it like the back of your head."

* "You can barely see your face in front of your hand!"

* "That's the way the crumble cookies."

* "I don't want to sound like a dead horse."

* "Let's take a wild stab in the back."

* "Around here, it's always feast or phantom." -- A waitress, when it was pointed out that the restaurant was not very busy.

* "If you could get it working I'd be internally grateful." -- From email sent to a web site administrator (no, not the administrator of this one).

* "This is the piece of the puzzle that allows you to paint in the rest of the pie." -- A salesperson, describing a new telephony service.

Some Facts About Our Human World

Some Facts About Our Human World

The women of the Tiwi tribe in the South Pacific are married at birth.

When Albert Einstein died, his final words died with him. The nurse at his side didn't understand German.

St Patrick, the patron saint of Ireland, was not Irish.

The lance ceased to be an official battle weapon in the British Army in 1927.

St. John was the only one of the 12 Apostles to die a natural death.

Gabriel, Michael and Lucifer (more commonly known as Satan) are the only 3 angels to be named in the bible.
According to Genesis all demons are angels who were cast out of heaven after Lucifer tried to take God's throne and several of the other angels bowed down and worshiped him.

Many sailors used to wear gold earrings so that they could afford a proper burial when they died.

Some very Orthodox Jew refuse to speak Hebrew, believing it to be a language reserved only for the Prophets.

A South African monkey was once awarded a medal and promoted to the rank of corporal during World War I.

Born 4 January 1838, General Tom Thumb's growth slowed at the age of 6 months, at 5 years he was signed to the circus by P.T. Barnum, and at adulthood reached a height of only 1 metre.

Because they had no proper rubbish disposal system, the streets of ancient Mesopotamia became literally knee-deep in rubbish.

The Toltecs, Seventh-century native Mexicans, went into battle with wooden swords so as not to kill their enemies.

China banned the pigtail in 1911 as it was seen as a symbol of feudalism.

The Amayra guides of Bolivia are said to be able to keep pace with a trotting horse for a distance of 100 kilometres.

Sliced bread was patented by a jeweller, Otto Rohwedder, in 1928. He had been working on it for 16 years, having started in 1912.

Before it was stopped by the British, it was the not uncommon for women in some area's of India to choose to be burnt alive on their husband's funeral pyre.

Ivan the terrible claimed to have 'deflowered thousands of virgins and butchered a similar number of resulting offspring'.

Before the Second World War, it was considered a sacrilege to even touch an Emperor of Japan.

An American aircraft in Vietnam shot itself down with one of its own missiles.

The Anglo-Saxons believed Friday to be such an unlucky day that they ritually slaughtered any child unfortunate enough to be born on that day.

During the eighteenth century, laws had to be brought in to curb the seemingly insatiable appetite for gin amongst the poor. Their annual intake was as much as five million gallons.

Ancient drinkers warded off the devil by clinking their cups

The Nobel Prize resulted form a late change in the will of Alfred Nobel, who did not want to be remembered after his death as a propagator of violence - he invented dynamite.

The cost of the first pay-toilets installed in England was tuppence.

Pogonophobia is the fear of beards.

In 1647 the English Parliament abolished Christmas.

Mao Rse-Tang, the first chairman of the Chinese Communist Party, was born 26 December 1893. Before his rise to power, he occupied the humble position of Assistant Librarian at the University of Peking.

Coffee is the second largest item of international commerce in the world. The largest is petrol.

King George III was declared violently insane in 1811, 9 years before he died.

In Ancient Peru, when a woman found an 'ugly' potato, it was the custom for her to push it into the face of the nearest man.

For Roman Catholics, 5 January is St Simeon Stylites' Day. He was a fifth-century hermit who showed his devotion to God by spending literally years sitting on top of a huge flagpole.

When George I became King of England in 1714, his wife did not become Queen. He placed her under house arrest for 32 years.

The richest 10 per cent of the French people are approximately fifty times better off than the poorest 10 per cent.

Henry VII was the only British King to be crowned on the field of battle

During World War One, the future Pope John XXIII was a sergeant in the Italian Army.

Richard II died aged 33 in 1400. A hole was left in the side of his tomb so people could touch his royal head, but 376 years later some took advantage of this and stole his jawbone.

The magic word "Abracadabra" was originally intended for the specific purpose of curing hay fever.

The Puritans forbade the singing of Christmas Carols, judging them to be out of keeping with the true spirit of Christmas.

Albert Einstein was once offered the Presidency of Israel. He declined saying he had no head for problems.

Uri Geller, the professional psychic was born on December 20 1946. As to the origin of his alleged powers, Mr Geller maintains that they come from the distant planet of Hoova.

Ralph and Carolyn Cummins had 5 children between 1952 and 1966, all were born on the 20 February.

John D. Rockefeller gave away over US$ 500,000,000 during his lifetime.

Only 1 child in 20 are born on the day predicted by the doctor.

In the 1970's, the Rhode Island Legislature in the US entertained a proposal that there be a $2 tax on every act of sexual intercourse in the State.

Widows in equatorial Africa actually wear sackcloth and ashes when attending a funeral.

The 'Hundred Years War' lasted 116 years.

The British did not release the body of Napoleon Bonaparte to the French until twenty days after his death.

Admiral Lord Nelson was less than 1.6 metres tall.

John Glenn, the American who first orbited the Earth, was showered with 3,529 tonnes of ticker tape when he got back.

Native American Indians used to name their children after the first thing they saw as they left their tepees subsequent to the birth. Hence such strange names as Sitting Bull and Running Water.

Catherine the First of Russia, made a rule that no man was allowed to get drunk at one of her parties before nine o'clock.

Queen Elizabeth I passed a law which forced everyone except for the rich to wear a flat cap on Sundays.

In 1969 the shares of the Australian company 'Poseidon' were worth $1, one year later they were worth $280 each.

Julius Caesar wore a laurel wreath to cover the onset of baldness.

Ernest Bevin, Minister of Labour during World War II, left school at the age of eleven.

At the age of 12, Martin Luther King became so depressed he tried committing suicide twice, by jumping out of his bedroom window.

It is illegal to be a prostitute in Siena, Italy, if your name is Mary.

The Turk's consider it considered unlucky to step on a piece of bread.

The authorities do not allow tourists to take pictures of Pygmies in Zambia.

The Dutch in general prefer their french fries with mayonnaise.

Upon the death of F.D. Roosevelt, Harry S Truman became the President of America on 12 April 1945. The initial S in the middle of his name doesn't in fact mean anything. Both his grandfathers had names beginning with 'S', and so Truman's mother didn't want to disappoint either of them.

Sir Isaac Newton was obsessed with the occult and the supernatural.

One of Queen Victoria's wedding gifts was a 3 metre diameter, half tonne cheese.

Alexander Graham Bell, the inventor of the telephone, never phoned his wife or his mother, they were both deaf.

It was considered unfashionable for Venetian women, during the Renaissance to have anything but silvery-blonde hair.

Queen Victoria was one of the first women ever to use chloroform to combat pain during childbirth.

Peter the Great had the head of his wife's lover cut off and put into a jar of preserving alcohol, which he then ordered to be placed by her bed.

The car manufacturer Henry Ford was awarded Hitler's Grand Cross of the Supreme Order of the German Eagle. Henry Ford was the inventor of the assembly line, and Hitler used this knowledge of the assembly line to speed up production, and to create better and interchangeable products.

Atilla the Hun is thought to have been a dwarf.

The warriors tribes of Ethiopia used to hang the testicles of those they killed in battle on the ends of their spears.

On 15 April 1912 the SS Titanic sunk on her maiden voyage and over 1,500 people died. Fourteen years earlier a novel was published by Morgan Robertson which seemed to foretell the disaster. The book described a ship the same size as the Titanic which crashes into an iceberg on its maiden voyage on a misty April night. The name of Robertson's fictional ship was the Titan.

There are over 200 religious denominations in the United States.

Eau de Cologne was originally marketed as a way of protecting yourself against the plague.

Charles the Simple was the grandson of Charles the Bald, both were rulers of France.

Theodor Herzi, the Zionist leader who was born on May 2 1860, once had the astonishing idea of converting Jews to Christianity as a way of combating anti-Semitism.

The women of an African tribe make themselves more attractive by permanently scaring their faces.

Augustus II, the Elector of Saxony and King of Poland seemed to have a prodigious sexual appetite, and fathered hundreds of illegitimate children during his lifetime.

Some moral purists in the Middle Ages believed that women's ears ought to be covered up because the Virgin May had conceived a child through them.

Hindus don't like dying in bed, they prefer to die beside a river.

While at Havard University, Edward Kennedy was suspended for cheating on a Spanish exam.

It is a criminal offence to drive around in a dirty car in Russia.

The Emperor Caligula once decided to go to war with the Roman God of the sea, Poseidon, and ordered his soldiers to throw their spears into the water at random.

The Ecuadorian poet, José Olmedo, has a statue in his honour in his home country. But, unable to commission a sculptor, due to limited funds, the government brought a second-hand statue .. Of the English poet Lord Byron.

In 1726, at only 7 years old, Charles Sauson inherited the post of official executioner.

Sir Winston Churchill rationed himself to 15 cigars a day.

On 7 January 1904 the distress call 'CQD' was introduced. 'CQ' stood for 'Seek You' and 'D' for 'Danger'. This lasted only until 1906 when it was replaced with 'SOS'.

Though it is forbidden by the Government, many Indians still adhere to the caste system which says that it is a defilement for even the shadow of a person from a lowly caste to fall on a Braham ( a member of the highest priestly caste).

In parts of Malaya, the women keep harems of men.

The childrens' nursery rhyme 'Ring-a-Ring-a-Roses' actually refers to the Black Death which killed about 30 million people in the fourteenth-century.

The word 'denim' comes from 'de Nimes', Nimes being the town the fabric was originally produced.

During the reign of Elizabeth I, there was a tax put on men's beards.

Idi Amin, one of the most ruthless tyrants in the world, before coming to power, served in the British Army.

Some Eskimos have been known to use refrigerators to keep their food from freezing.

It is illegal to play tennis in the streets of Cambridge.

Custer was the youngest General in US history, he was promoted at the age of 23.

It costs more to send someone to reform school than it does to send them to Eton.

The American pilot Charles Lindbergh received the Service Cross of the German Eagle form Hermann Goering in 1938.

The active ingredient in Chinese Bird's nest soup is saliva.

Marie Currie, who twice won the Nobel Prize, and discovered radium, was not allowed to become a member of the prestigious French Academy because she was a woman.

It was quite common for the men of Ancient Greece to exercise in public .. naked.

John Paul Getty, once the richest man in the world, had a payphone in his mansion.

Iceland is the world's oldest functioning democracy.

Adolf Eichmann (responsible for countless Jewish deaths during World war II), was originally a travelling salesman for the Vacuum Oil Co. of Austria.

The national flag of Italy was designed by Napoleon Bonaparte.

The Matami Tribe of West Africa play a version of football, the only difference being that they use a human skull instead of a more normal ball.

John Winthrop introduced the fork to the American dinner table for the first time on 25 June 1630.

Elizabeth Blackwell, born in Bristol, England on 3 February 1821, was the first woman in America to gain an M.D. degree.

Abraham Lincoln was shot with a Derringer.

The great Russian leader, Lenin died 21 January 1924, suffering from a degenerative brain disorder. At the time of his death his brain was a quarter of its normal size.

When shipped to the US, the London bridge ( thought by the new owner to be the more famous Tower Bridge ) was classified by US customs to be a 'large antique'.

Sir Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' cloakroom after his mother went into labour during a dance at Blenheim Palace.

In 1849, David Atchison became President of the United States for just one day, and he spent most of the day sleeping.

Between the two World War's, France was controlled by forty different governments.

The 'Crystal Palace' at the Great Exhibition of 1851, contained 92 900 square metres of glass.

It was the custom in Ancient Rome for the men to place their right hand on their testicles when taking an oath. The modern term 'testimony' is derived from this tradition.

Sir Winston Churchill's mother was descended from a Red Indian.

The study of stupidity is called 'monology'.

Hindu men believe(d) it to be unluckily to marry a third time. They could avoid misfortune by marring a tree first. The tree ( his third wife ) was then burnt, freeing him to marry again.

More money is spent each year on alcohol and cigarettes than on Life insurance.

In 1911 3 men were hung for the murder of Sir Edmund Berry at Greenbury Hill, their last names were Green, Berry , and Hill.

A firm in Britain sold fall-out shelters for pets.

During the seventeen century , the Sultan of Turkey ordered his entire harem of women drowned, and replace with a new one.

Lady Astor once told Winston Churchill 'if you were my husband, I would poison your coffee'. His reply …' if you were my wife, I would drink it ! '.

There are no clocks in Las Vegas casinos.

The Great Pyramid of Giza consists of 2,300,000 blocks each weighing 2.5 tons.

On 9 February 1942, soap rationing began in Britain.

Paul Revere was a dentist.

The Budget speech on April 17 1956 saw the introduction of Premium Savings Bonds into Britain. The machine which picks the winning numbers is called "Ernie", an abbreviation, which stands for' electronic random number indicator equipment'.

Chop-suey is not a native Chinese dish, it was created in California by Chinese immigrants.

The Russian mystic, Rasputin, was the victim of a series of murder attempts on this day in 1916. The assassins poisoned, shot and stabbed him in quick succession, but they found they were unable to finish him off. Rasputin finally succumbed to the ice-cold waters of a river.

Bonnie Prince Charlie, the leader of the Jacobite rebellion to depose of George II of England, was born 31 December 1720. Considered a great Scottish hero, he spent his final years as a drunkard in Rome.

The Liberal Prime Minister, William Gladstone, was born of the 29th December 1809. Apparently, as a result of his strong Puritan impulses, Gladstone kept a selection of whips in his cellar with which he regularly chastised himself.

A parthenophobic has a fear of virgins.

South American gauchos were known to put raw steak under their saddles before starting a day's riding, in order to tenderise the meat.

There are 240 white dots in a Pacman arcade game.

In 1939 the US political party 'The American Nazi Party' had 200,000 members.

King Solomon of Israel had about 700 wives as well as hundreds of mistresses.

Urine was once used to wash clothes.

North American Indian, Sitting Bull, died on 15 December 1890. His bones were laid to rest in North Dakota, but a business group wanted him moved to a 'more natural' site in South Dakota. Their campaign was rejected so they stole the bones, and they now reside in Sitting Bull Park, South Dakota.

St Nicholas, the original Father Christmas, is the patron saint of thieves, virgins and communist Russia.

Dublin is home of the Fairy Investigation Society.

Fourteen million people were killed in World War I, twenty million died in a flu epidemic in the years that followed.

People in Siberia often buy milk frozen on a stick.

Princess Ann was the only competitor at the 1976 Montreal Olympics that did not have to undergo a sex test.

Ethelred the Unready, King of England in the Tenth-century, spent his wedding night in bed with his wife and his mother-in-law.

Coffins which are due for cremation are usually made with plastic handles.

Blackbird, who was the chief of Omaha Indians, was buried sitting on his favourite horse.

The two highest IQ's ever recorded (on a standard test) both belong to women.

The Tory Prime Minister, Benjamin Disreali, was born 21 December 1804. He was noted for his oratory and had a number of memorable exchanges in the House with his great rival William Gladstone. Asked what the difference between a calamity and a misfortune was Disreali replied: 'If Gladstone fell into the Thames it would be a misfortune, but if someone pulled him out again, it would be a calamity'.

The Imperial Throne of Japan has been occupied by the same family for the last thirteen hundred years.

In the seventeenth-century a Boston man was sentenced to two hours in the stocks for obscene behaviour, his crime, kissing his wife in a public place on a Sunday.

President Kaunda of Zambia once threatened to resign if his fellow countrymen didn't stop drinking so much alcohol.

Due to staggering inflation in the 1920's, 4,000,000,000,000,000,000 German marks were worth 1 US dollar.

Gorgias of Epirus was born during preparation of his mothers funeral.

The city of New York contains a district called 'Hell's Kitchen'.

The city of Hiroshima left the Industrial Promotion Centre standing as a monument the atomic bombing.

During the Medieval Crusades, transporting bodies off the battlefield for burial was a major problem, this was solved by carrying a huge cauldron into the Holy wars, boiling down the bodies, and taking only the bones with them.

A ten-gallon hat holds three-quarters of a gallon.

George Washington grew marijuana in his garden.

Know what you are talking about... please (or at least don't make it sound almighty)

Wow. This was truly great. I love when someone can throw it back just as well, if not better, said. I am not Jewish, so I have not read these books talked about here, but still funny. This was taken from the Humanists of Utah website.

Why Can't I Own a Canadian?

October 2002

Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a east coast resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted fan,
Jim

Ennie, Meenie, Minnie, Moe...

Yes, that's right, folks...

I have a job, as I am sure you have heard. I was hired at Michael's Arts and Crafts in Apple Valley, on Monday. I start work there this Sunday, 7 am till 3:30 pm. It's a Supervisor position, so I will be able to move up to management rather quickly with all my previous experience. It's not as much in the way of wage as I would have liked, $10.25 less than 90 days, $10.50 thereafter, but it is more then I am currently making sitting at home.

Also.... Today I had another interview with a company called ACS, in Eden Prairie, they are outsourced to places like Expedia, Orbits, Sprint, and NWA Online. The position was for the NWA client. They handle all the inbound calls regarding reservations, ticket orders and general problems with the website. After filling out essentially the new hire paper work I was interviewed, the whole thing took an hour and a half. Needless to say, I was offered the position. The wage structure here is a commission based one. I will make a base of $10.50 during training and up to 6 months after, during which I am able to increase my earnings based on the number of calls I make and emails I send. After the 6 months, the base goes away and its solely commission. $1.25 per call, emails are less, to start. Call quality will also incerase this amount on increments of 25%.

Training for the next class was to begin on March 26th, and I am starting at Michael's on the 18th. So, a bit of a dilemma here. There is another class after this one, on April 16th. So I asked to be put into that one instead. That should give me time to pull together some income and see if I like the job, and decide if I will continue to keep the arrangement with ACS or with Michael's.

The other aspect of my dilemma are the hours... Michael's is, for the majority, 7 am - 3:30 pm, Sunday - Friday, with Wednesdays and Saturdays off (Thurs till 4:30 and Fridays, 1 - close). While ACS Training is from 2 pm - 10:30 pm, Monday - Friday, for four weeks, and a 2nd shift of 3 - Midnight, Tuesday - Saturday. While both actual schedules are cohesive to my life at this point, I was wondering, "Would I be able to work them both?" Of course that would require some explaining to Michael's as to the need for shortened hours with longer work-weeks, say 1 pm, not 3:30, possibly working 6 days instead of 5.
I am really not sure. I have way too much going on to think rationally at this point. I was panicked about not having a job, or car, and no longer a place of my own, and now... I seem to be in an over abundance of employment. I thought that it could not get worse, but when faced with the changes of "Ok, I'll take any job" to "Oh, now I have choices?" it's a little bit taxing.
If you have any thoughts... please do share!!!
★

So that's what's going on here....

Your Daily Affirmation:

Feeling blue or insecure? Losing sight of what's important? Still searching for the real "you"? In this self-help age of soul-searching, daily affirmations have been known to do the trick. But you probably shouldn't try these ...

• I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.
• I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else's fault.
• I no longer need to punish, deceive or compromise myself. Unless, of course, I want to stay employed.
• In some cultures what I do would be considered normal.
• Having control over myself is nearly as good as having control over others.
• My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of good judgment.
• I can change any thought that hurts into a reality that hurts even more.
• I honor my personality flaws, for without them I would have no personality at all.
• Joan of Arc heard voices too.
• I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious, self- righteous people around me.
• I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper and complain.
• When someone hurts me, forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit. But not nearly as gratifying.
• All of me is beautiful and valuable, even the ugly, stupid and disgusting parts.
• I am at one with my duality.
• Only a lack of imagination saves me from immobilizing myself with imaginary fears.
• I honor and express all facets of my being, regardless of state and local laws.
• Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than "I told you so."
• A good scapegoat is nearly as welcome as a solution to the problem.
• I am learning that criticism is not nearly as effective as sabotage.
• Becoming aware of my character defects leads me to the next step -- blaming my parents.
• I will find humor in my everyday life by looking for people I can laugh at.

Lots of Liners

Digital circuits are made from analog parts.
Pretend to spank me - I'm a pseudo-masochist!
He who hesitates is last.
A man's house is his hassle.
Chaste makes waste.
A chicken is an egg's way of producing more eggs.
Any IC protected by a fast acting fuse will protect the fuse by blowing first.
Neutrinos have bad breadth.
In case of injury notify your superior immediately - He'll kiss it and make it better!
GIVE: Support the helpless victims of computer error.

Charlie was a chemist
But Charlie is no more
What Charlie thought was H20
was really H2S04.

Reality is for people who can't face science fiction.
Breeding rabbits is a hare raising experience.
People with narrow minds usually have broad tongues.
Friction is a drag.
Heisenberg may have slept here.
What fools these morals be!
Wernher von Braun settled for a V-2 when he could-a had a V-8.
Your program is sick! Shoot it and put it out of its memory.
Biology grows on you.
Blame Saint Andreas - its all his fault.
If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?
A mouse is an elephant built by the Japanese.
Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.
Go climb a gravity well.
A penny saved is ridiculous.
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
I disagree with what you say, but will defend to the death your right to tell such LIES!
Every interesting program has at least one variable, one branch, and one loop…And at least one bug!
That does not compute.
No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it.
Chemistry professors never die, they just smell that way!
If you have nothing to do, don't do it here.
Boycott meat - suck your thumb.
He who laughs last didn't get the joke.
Old musicians never die, they just decompose.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Walt Disney is in suspended animation.
Somebody's terminal is dropping bits. I found a pile of them over in the corner.
If it works, Don't fix it.
He who always plows a straight furrow is in a rut.
Insomnia isn't anything to lose sleep over.
Gravity brings me down.
When you're up to your hips in alligators, You forget the original project was to drain the swamp.
Everyone is entitled to my opinion.
Help stamp out and abolish redundancy!
Be a better psychiatrist and the world will beat a psychopath to your door.
He who steps on others to reach the top has good balance.
While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
The cost of feathers has risen.... Now even down is up!
He keeps differentiating.... flying off on a tangent.
May all your PUSHes be POPed.
COLE's LAW - Thinly sliced cabbage.
Three can keep a secret, if two are dead.
Morfy's law - Enythink thit ken go rong willl.
Mount St. Helens should have used earth control.
Orcs really aren't so bad (if you use lots of catsup).
It is hard to fly with the eagles when you work with the turkeys.
Nuke the Whales.
Basic is a high level languish.
Prunes give you a run for your money.
Drilling for oil is boring.
Eat prune yogurt for that "get up and go" feeling.
More people have died in nuclear power plants than in Teddy Kennedy's car.
Teachers have class.

Found on a door in the MSU music building:
This door is baroquen, please wiggle Handel.
(If I wiggle Handel, will it wiggle Bach?)

The solution of this problem is trivial and is left as an exercise for the reader.
Constants aren't; variables don't.
Biology professors never die, they just fail to react.
Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
Depart in pieces.... i.e., Split.
Next time, give "the gift that keeps on giving": a female kitten.
Where there's a will, there's an inheritance tax.
Midas was into golden showers.
Computer programmers never die, they just get lost in the processing.
Neutrinos are into physicists.
Our houseplants have a good sense of humus.
On a clear disk you can seek forever.
Programming Department: Mistakes made while you wait.
Entropy isn't what it used to be.
Black holes are out of sight.

Neuroses are red,
Melancholia's blue.
I'm schizophrenic,
What are you?

Keep your mouth shut and people will think you stupid;
Open it and you remove all doubt.

Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid.
Weekend, where are you?
Grass is nature's way of saying "High!"
LSD melts your mind, not in your hand.
Individualists unite!
Money is the root of all wealth.
Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art.
The moon may be smaller than Earth, but it's further away.
Remember, the fact that you're paranoid doesn't mean they're NOT out to get you!
Teamwork is vital! (It gives you someone to blame.)
Keep America Beautiful.... emigrate.
I'm all for computer dating, but I wouldn't want one to marry my sister.
If you eat yogurt you'll have lots of culture.
If everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane!
The expert is a person who avoids the small errors as he sweeps on to the grand fallacy.
The human mind ordinarily operates at only ten percent of its capacity - the rest is overhead for the operating system.
The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.
If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in.
Computers Unite! You have nothing to lose but your operators.
Are movies about Vulcans Pathe-logical?
Recursive, adj.: see Recursive.
An expert is someone from out of town.
If you see an onion ring - answer it!
Do students of Zen Buddhism do Om-work?
F U CN RD THS U CNT SPL WRTH A DM!
Don't read this cookie!
In case of fire, yell "FIRE!"
Postmen never die, they just lose their zip.
Rubber bands have snappy endings!
Old frogs never die, but they do croak!
COBOL programs are an exercise in Artificial Inelegance.
Every time I lose weight, It finds me again!
An idle mind is worth two in the bush.
It's hard to be humble when you're perfect.
Whom computers would destroy, they must first drive insane.
God is omnipotent, omniscient, and omni benevolent - it says so right here on the label.
Taxes are not levied for the benefit of the taxed.
Clones are people two.
Microwaves frizz your heir.
Neil Armstrong tripped.
God did not create the world in seven days. He partied for six and then pulled an all-nighter.
When taxes are due, Americans tend to feel quite bled-white and blue.
To make tax forms true they should read "Income Owed Us" and "Incommode You".
Heard on Noahs' ark: Sailing is fun, but scrubbing the decks is aardvark.
Why do so many foods come packaged in plastic? It's quite uncanny.
Going the speed of light is bad for your age.
White dwarf seeks red giant for binary relationship.
Polymer physicists are into chains.
Vitamin C deficiency is apauling.
Darth Vader sleeps with a Teddy-wookie.
On all lasergrams: Don't forget the Zap code.
Time is just nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.
There's no future in time travel.
Cloning is the sincerest form of flattery.
Test-tube babies shouldn't throw stones.
Take an astronaut to launch.
Reality does not exist - yet.
Sentient plasmodia are a gas.
Xerox never comes up with anything original.
Never hit a man with glasses; hit him with your fist.
If rabbits feet are so lucky, what happened to the rabbit?
Small programs are for small minds.
All programmers want arrays!
Psychiatrists stay on your mind.
Astronauts get missile-toe.
If your feet smell and your nose runs - you're built upside down.
Raise ducks for quack profit.
Part-time musicians are semiconductors.
It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
Interchangeable parts won't.
A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
In which level of metalanguage are you now speaking?
The problem with any unwritten law is that you don't know where to go to erase it.
Counting in octal is just like counting in decimal, if you don't use your thumbs.
Counting in binary is just like counting in decimal, if you are all thumbs.
The concept seems to be clear by now. It has been defined several times by example of what it is not.
Don't sweat it - it's only ones and zeros.
If this is timesharing, give me my share right now.
Wisdom is knowing what to do with what you know.
Never put off 'til tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
Practiss makes perfict.
He who hesitates is constipated.
The best things in life are for a fee.

Topologists are just plane folks.
Pilots are just plane folks.
Carpenters are just plane folks.
Midwest farmers are just plain folks.
Musicians are just playin' folks.
Whodunit readers are just Spillaine folks.
Some Londoners are just P. Lane folks.

You can fool some of the people all of the time,
and all of the people some of the time,
but you can make a fool of yourself anytime.

Let us remember that ours is a nation of lawyers and order.
People who live in stone houses shouldn't throw glasses.
Laugh and the world thinks you're an idiot.
Astronauts are out to launch.
Zen Druids practice Transcendental Vegetation.
Gardeners are prone to sod-den decisions!
Be alert, America needs more lerts.
Joseph Stalin's grave was a Communist Plot.
There is no such thing as a "Fail Safe" design.
No amount of careful planning will ever replace dumb luck.
Winning isn't everything, but then losing is nothing.
All I ask for is an opportunity to prove that money doesn't buy happiness.
To every rule there is an exception, and vice versa.
Archaeologists take sedimental journeys.
Remember, the paper is always strongest at the perforations.
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
Smile! It makes people wonder what you're up to.
Smile! Things can only get worse.
After all is said and done, usually more is said than done.
All requests for sick leave must be approved two weeks in advance.
Drop the vase and it will become a Ming of the past.
Get a higher education: Attend a two story school.
A physicists journal is scientific notation.
Politics: From the Latin root Poly (Meaning many) plus ticks (blood-sucking parasites) - Many blood-sucking parasites.
Pobody's Nerfect.
Dyslexics contemplate dog.
A small goodbye is a micro-wave.

Thoughts...

I read this and it made me very sad. Often I find myself in a situation such as this, and all for not, it turns out much the same. This is written by my very good friend "Dale" W. What a gift he has to write these musings. To understand the whole person, to be selfless, to want a better thing for someone else then what you have to offer, is the true deffinition of love.

MATT

I’m your friend
And I was wondering
And I was thinking

Why are you alone?
Is it because people think
You are less than perfect?
Is it because people think
You are the wrong
Height, weight, build?
That you are unattractive?

I’m your friend
And I was wondering
And I was thinking

Why don’t people see you
Like I do?
I know you
I see you

Kind, intelligent, loyal,
Handsome
Strong arms and gentle hands
Proud face and delicate heart
You act distant to the world
But I see you
I know you

You Care.
So many pieces to you
I know you
I see you

I’m your friend
I’m just your friend
And I’m sorry
It was an accident
I’m sorry
I didn’t mean to love you.

Remember?

I don't remember the dream anymore.
I don't sleep anymore.
I don't know anymore.
I don't remember who I am.
I won't remember who I am.
Copyright © 2007 Ben Owens

Hear Me

it hurts, a lot, my heart.

it cries more then it beats.

i put on this face of stone,

i show the world that i am strong,

but inside i am constantly crushed by the silence.

i don't hear the calls of my heart.

Copyright © 2007 Ben Owens

Emotional Rollercoaster

I'M HOME!
Well, ok, not really home, more at my second home. I will not be home home till tomorrow, or Tuesday(my birthday!). This weekend was very emotional for me. I am not sure how I would have made it through with out having my family there. And they were all going through the same thing. It's very difficult when someone in your family passes away, so I am told. I have not had to experiance a death, but only 3 times, that I can remember in my adult life. There was my grandmother's niece, who was more of an aunt to my mother and her siblings, and like a second grandmother to me, Emmy. But she passed when I was younger, I didn't go to her funeral. My grandmother passed away 3 years ago, then was a woman who was a close friend to my grandmother and again, like an aunt to my aunts and uncles. And lastly, my grandfather. It does not get easier with each passing event. I think this last weekend was especially rought for everyone, because noone was prepared for it to happen so soon. With the others before, they had been ill and we knew when it would be time. I mean, we knew that the time would come, but this was all too sudden, Many of my family, and extended family are still quite in shock.
The services were held at the same location as my grandmother's. and his ashes will be burried with her ashes in May. Now, Grandpa was not a religous man, but he was spiritual, and he would have enjoyed the service. I gave a reading from the Book of John 14:1-4

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me."
"In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you."
"And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am."
"You know the way to the place where I am going."

After the readings my aunt Cathy gave his eulogy. It was very nice. Of course, it made everyone cry. Then after everything was said, we watched a video montage. My aunt Darcie and uncle Kevin are great at putting those together. We all gathered in the back of the church and passed hugs, hand in hand with a tissue. I think everyone hugged everyone at least once, and thats a lot of hugs. I have a HUGE family. It was nice.There was a reception held by the VFW in town. Since my grandfather is a Life Member we got to use their hall. They served sanwiches and chips and potatoe salad, cookies and punch. Luncheon style. After a few hours of visiting I joined the majority of my adult cousins in the bar portion. I told myself this weekend I was not going to drink, for 2 reasons, a) I know that it's not good to participate and propogate depression through alcoholic comsumption, and b) I was there with my ENTIRE family, which includes recovering AA members and not to mention my mother. Needless to say, I was exhausted, I could not argue with the comfey bar stool, and I orderd a drink. All my cousins looked at me like I was nuts, like I had just fallen off my rocker. They're like, "Since when do you drink?!" To which I say, "When was the last time we were in a bar together?" The answer, never. We don't ever get together enough to have these "quality family" moments of drunkenness. And see, the thing that we are realizing and the reason we ARE in the bar, drinking, is because we know that it is going to soon be becoming a regular event. I know that's kind of morbid, but it's true. A lot of our family is getting up in age and we are going to be at these things more and more. Also amongst the topics of conversation are that us cousins(of legal drinking age, of course), should be getting together more often(drinks or no), seeing one another and just plain 'ol keeping in touch.
Later, around 6, we took the younger kids swimming at the hotel. It was a lot of fun. They have a kiddie pool for little ones, and a regular pool with a basketball hoop at one end, and a water slide, and of course a hot tub. The kids were all having a blast but the rest of us who were not swimming could hardly breathe because the air was so heavy and filled with chlorine. I couldn't sit any longer and watch literally 70 or so children under the age of 11 running everywhere. Not all of them were part of my family, only 6 were ours. The others were just guests at the hotel or there for one of two birthday parties. So when my cousin Molly called and said they were coming over to pick me up and we were going out to have a drink, I was all on that, lol.
Now, Watertown is a fairly ok size town, 25,000 pop. Also I should mention, on every corner and even in the middle of a block in this town is a casino, and with every casino is usually a bar. Molly and I convinced my other cousin, Tyler, her not anymore-step brother and his girlfriend Amanda to come along also. We decided to head to a bar close to our hotel back down the interstate. It was an ok place, could have been better if they knew how to mix a drink properly. We played darts, and tried to order shots of Rupplemintz, no luck. Goldschlager, nope. Yag? Well sure! Who doesn't have Yag on hand... but see, we ordered Yag-bombs, Yag and Red Bull, what we got was straight Yag. So of course I am expecting a little fizz, and when I got no fizz I spilled down my shirt. Not a lot, but enough to make me look like an idiot. We had enough of that place, and decided that we were going back to the VFW. They had good drinks, and we knew where it was.
It was so much fun just to sit and have a conversation with my cousins. We talked about what was happening in our lives, what was going on in the world, with our family. We shared memories that made us cry, and ones that made us laugh. I need more of that in my life. We made plans to hang out more, and not let the time slide on by. Granted, we don't live anywhere near one another, but, that's what road trips are for!
After bar close we all wanted to do some more remembering, so we drove out to the Lake House, Grandma and Grandpa's old house that all of us grangkids remember. The parents will all tell you they never grew up in that house, that their's was the house on 2nd St. They may not have had a childhood there, but we all grew up for that house, it was Grandma and Grandpa's retreat, we all grew with that house. Tyler, Molly and I sat remembering a lot of times in that house, holidays and visits, vacations in the summer, and breaks in the winter. More hugs. We wanted to get out and go walk around, but I said I didn't think it would be a good idea. Some were still a little tippsy, and it was only -8 degrees. Not to mention it was around 2 am and the property was not in the family anymore. Enough emotion was had by all this weekend, time to go to sleep. I drove back to the hotel and because it was really late and I didnt have my room key I crashed in thier room, only to be up and ready to leave for home by 8:00 am. Definately going to need to get stuff together so we can all hang out more.

If ever there is something to think about... its this, the heart does 3 things...The bad times are usually remembered, the good times are mostly kept. But a Love shared will always grow, which it will never forget.

Loved Ones... Eulogy for Donald Richard Vanderzee

Why can't today be like any other day, like any other Tuesday? Just an idle Tuesday in January? Today is not like any other day, today my greandfather passed away. He was a great man, a brilliant man, with lots of ideas. Love for his family above all else. He was 82 years old. With much of a struggle thrrough his life he lead it the best he knew how and always came up with an answer that worked. This is an amazing thing because he leaves 9 children, their spouses, 26 grandchildren, their spouses, and 11 great grandchildren who adored him very much. A WWII fighter and overall businessman, he has faced many srtife through-out his long life, including the passing of his wife, my grandmother three years ago, January 6th, Donna Jean Vanderzee, to alzheimers. He was fairly healthy and very sharp for having to endure all that he has had happen.

I miss my grandparents, I love them very much. It only brings happiness to my family to know that they are together now, in heaven.

Peace be to your families, God bless!

~Ben

We all need an Emotional Detachment switch.

Today could have gone much better then it did....

To start out, my computer crashed on me, AGAIN! Now, I have built my system from the ground up, so I know every problem that could happen, would happen. At least I also know how to fix said problems. So that was the better part of my Thursday night and morning today. Good news, it's all fixed and better then it was!

I talked to my friend Tommy, and we had a really good conversation. We have decided that we are the only people out there that understand what it is to be in the situation that we are in, everyone else is just "regular". If you don't understand that, well, that's because you don't think like we do. We enjoy the support, the friends, the family, and the help, not so much because we need them, but because we are people people. When you just know the way someone sounds and how it reflects their mood, or when you know that a certain vibe is coming in with out a word being said. It works when you have a connection with someone, any connection, anyone. To everyone else it's just plain confusion. You're all just "regular".After that, I played a little more DDR, got my car taken care of; it's going to the junk yard; and texted some more friends.

I had decided a week or so ago that I was going to go see a movie tonight. In perticular, Pan's Labyrinth (El Laberinto del Fauno). This is a film by Guillermo del Toro, the same director to do Hellboy and Blade II. It's a fantasy/thriller about a make-believe world. "What happens when make-believe believes it's real?" It looks soooo awesome! But alas my luck, noone wants to go see it, mind you is has been out in select cities, and just tonight was released in Minneapolis at the Uptown. It will probabally be one of the last films to be shown at this theatre, the new Condo project that will tear this place down is set for February. So a night at home is now what I have planned.

My mom came to pick me up so I could finish the arrangments on my car tomorrow, and we went grocery shopping. It was alright, nice to be out in the bright sun and warm weather. After an hour or so and now with the cart filled to the top, we headed for the check-out. She see's the new Self-Check-Out and decides that's where we are going, Lane 10. Let me just tell you, I tried to inform her that we should probabally let a "regular" cahsier do the ringing and we can do the bagging, especially with as much as was in the cart. But no, she was adament about going to the self serve lane. There are WAY too many groceries to fit into the three bag holders that are available. And when you go through the self serve lane, everything is weighed. So if you remove something from a bag, or an entire bag altogether, an alert goes off. That means that a manager has to come over to approve the removal by tapping in their security codes on the screen. I knew this from past experiences. Mom, either did not, or didnt care. That poor manager must have had to come enter her code at least 6 times. I felt so bad. Meanwhile my mother is standing there as this goes on, like, "What?! What did I do?" I keep trying to tell her that we have too many groceries and she has to touch "Skip Bagging" for each item while I put it in the new cart. Wow, what an adventure. My mom now officially hates grocery shopping.

Evening has come now. Some good conversations occured today, some not. After much discussion about relationships over the past few weeks with a few people, I have come to the decision that I should take a break. I need to collect myself and find a center that I am happy with. While, I do not want to lose friendships that have been made, I do not see how a foundation built on broken trust can be fruitful. That is not to say that it should stop. It can be fixed or mended, however, changes must take place. Openness is key. One day, the base of our friendship will be solid, filled in by many peices. Some from You, and some from me. I look forward to reaching that point.

So, after a good cry, I have regained perspective, and can move forward from there. If anyone would offer assistance, it surely would be welcome.

The Mayonnaise Jar and 2 Cups of Coffee

When things in your lives seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 cups of coffee.
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.
The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous "yes."
The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the grains of sand. The students laughed.
"Now," said the professor as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things; your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions; and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.
The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.The sand is everything else; the small stuff."
"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you."
"Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal Take care of the golfballs first; the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."

Please share this with someone you care about.

What do I change?

So earlier today I was feeling great, I was all full of energy. Excited and giddy, feeling like I haven't felt in a really long time. I took a nap and when I woke up the sun was gone and it was late in the day. I turned on the tv because I had been staring at this screen for way too long earlier. The only things on tv are really depressing movies, and now I feel like crap. The bottom of my stomach has fallen out and I do not feel up to smiling. I'm not sure exactly why. Or maybe I do know why but I don't want to admit it. Whatever it is, it needs to change.

Bring-it!

Ok, so being out last night I was not anticipating having so much fun. I mean yeah, I knew I was going to have a good time, but not a great time. Thank you!(you know who you are :-)) After driving Downtown, we went to the club(best part of the night), but what I can tell you about...
Downtown is such an ideal place, I really, I mean really need to be around there more often. There is anything and everything you could ever want to do. All within walking distance, after a short car ride, if you don't live in the city.
For those who have not been Downtown, in Block E there is a place called Game Works, it is an arcade style bar. I say style, because there are 2 bars and a restaurant inside, not to mention 10 lanes of blacklite bowling.
I was out with a friend. (Yea!) We decided to go to Game Works. To my surprise we didn't really want to play any game, other than DDR! That's right, baby! Dance Dance Revolution!!! I have not played DDR in, oh, 3 years. And anyone who knows me, knows that I do not go to the club and dance like a maniac, I tend to hang on the bar, or DJ booth. And might I just say, we were not horrible, but we were not bad-asses either. It was sooooo fun, we just kept on reloading the game, and eventually had to get more card points to continue playing. Needless to say, we closed the place down. At midnight the game started to freeze, just a little glitch, but enough to make us mis-step. We realized when the game was over that we had been locked from playing again, it was closing time!! :-( I know right!
I got home today, and guess what I did? I pulled our my dance pad, and plugged in DDR Max for my PS2!!! I am gonna get good and go back and show up that infernal machine. Time to bring your game DDR!!! It's on like Donkey Kong!

Oh, and, anyone who would like to come over and teach me how to dance and/or show me their moves, you're welcome over, anytime!

Currently playing : Dance Dance Revolution DDR Max Release date: By 15 June, 2006

Really, not what I expected... thank you.

Last night was a good night, I learned a lot about myself in the process of learing about another. And if you know the lyrics to the song Currently Listening To on this page, then you will understand (Lifehouse - Hanging by a Moment).
"Desperate for changing, starving for truth, Closer where I started, Chasing after you... Letting go of all I've held onto... Forgetting all I'm lacking, Completely incomplete... I'm running and not quite sure where to go, Just hanging by a moment here with you."

So I find no better comfort then in the arms of someone who I care about, and if I can not have that pleasure then the lyrics of a well worn song often find new meaning for me. This is something that I thought about driving home in the dark. Why do really good lyrics take on so many different meanings at different points in our lives?

"When your education X-Ray
Cannot see under my skin
I won't tell you a damn thing
That I could not tell my friends
Roaming through this darkness
I'm alive but I'm alone
Part of me is fighting this
But part of me is gone

So hold me when I'm here
Right me when I'm wrong
Hold me when I'm scared
And love me when I'm gone
Everything I am
And everything in me
Wants to be the one
You wanted me to be
I'll never let you down
Even if I could
I'd give up everything
If only for your good"
- 3Door Down - When I'm Gone

A lot of negative things/events have happened for me in this holiday season. I am really trying to focus on the positive and move my life into the better as a whole. I will let you know as that happens.
Currently listening : Hanging by a Moment By Lifehouse Release date: By 05 June, 2001